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Recorded in our basement, mixed and mastered by our brother Ric Mallardi (The Nimrods; Giggitys) next to the litter box.


released April 3, 2009



all rights reserved


The Misery Jackals Akron, Ohio

How punk rock sounds after the zombie apocalypse.

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Track Name: Rollergirl Gail
Here she comes - look at her roll
There she goes – up high then low
Watch her fly - look at her wail
let her by, or, die - it's Rollergirl Gail.

Let her go – and you’ll get creamed
She does blow – and her heart screams
Yer goin’ down – she’s out on bail
Take you down, down, down - Rollergirl Gail.

She’ll whack yer ear – and bust yer spine
Yer drinkin’ beer – through a straw next time
She’ll knock yer ass – clear over the rail
She’ll bust yer ass and fast – Rollergirl Gail.

If you get the nerve – to go her way
Get what you deserve – on judgment day
Watch her fly - look at her wail
let her by, or, die - it's Rollergirl Gail.
Track Name: Crack & Similac
Woke up this mornin’
Baby’s cryin’
My head is hurtin’
I ain’t got but 10 bucks to my name!
And it’s always the same

So I walk out
In the rain
To the store
Knowin’ just what I’m lookin’ for!
I’m gonna buy some cocaine

I pay the man
My last dollar
For a rock of crack
Now I can’t buy the Similac!
I’ll have to steal it again


Because my straight shooter’s empty
And Junior’s diaper’s full
I hope some day he’ll understand
Why his daddy
Was a diaper stealin’ man…

Walked in the store
To get a fix
For my kid
Then I put that shit up under my coat!
And then I make like a ghost

I find a place
In the dark
To ease my pain
Soon I’ll smoke all this here cocaine!
Then I’ll have a sick brain

So I call my man
My favorite drug dealer
Gotta get some more crack!
Maybe he’ll trade for this Similac?
Or I’ll be on my knees again!

Track Name: Mill Street Crosswalk
When you come to a town in Ohio
There’s a crosswalk by the mill
The worker’s get out at 5 O’clock
And the cars come down the hill
The cars come down that hill

Now that crosswalk has lights and signs
It even has lines on the ground
But cars won’t stop in Ohio
No, they’ll run your sorry ass down
They’ll run your sorry ass down

At the Mill Street Crosswalk
They’ll run you down
They’ll run you down
At the Mill Street Crosswalk
They’ll run your sorry ass down
They’ll run your sorry ass down

Take a good look to the left
And take a better look to the right
Watch yourself son, be ready to run
Or you’ll never make it through the night
You’ll never make it through the night

Beware if one stops for you
And even if they wave you through
Another car will come in the other way
And in the street you will lay
Dead in the street you will lay

Down into the ground
Track Name: Keep it in Yer Pants
Well….when I was just a baby
about the age of three
Mom said don’t be naughty
keep yer hands off yer pee pee
But I just couldn’t understand how somethin’ bad could feel so good
Figured if I couldn’t touch it
I’d find someone else that would

Then I was just a little boy
about the age of five
My teenage babysitter
taught me how to muffdive
She showed me how my little friend could make her feel so good
Said that if she had her own
she’d touch it every chance she could

But we got caught and she got fired
and she had to move away
Mom said I was naughty
and there’d be hell to pay
She said that girl was evil and had put me in a trance
And she said that little boys should always keep it in their pants

Then I got a bit older
I was about the age of nine
The next door neighbors daughter said
“hey boy you sure look fine”
She said that she would show me hers if I would show her mine
Then we went outback the woodshed and we had a real good time

But we got caught and now her daddy hates me
to this very day
Mom said I was naughty
and there’d be hell to pay
She said that evil girl had surely put me in a trance
And she said that little boys should always keep it in their pants

Then in junior high school
I was tryin’ to make the scene
When I got so damn lucky
I was sure it was a dream
Two cheerleaders they said ”hey boy” while we were eatin’ lunch
How should I like to come over and “do” them both at once

But then their boyfriends heard about it all
in gym class the next day
So they merciless beat me
and spread rumors I was gay
I swore those girls were evil and had put me in a trance
I was raised a Christian boy and taught to keep it in my pants

Then in my early twenties
I had started playin’ bars
And all the lovely ladies
who like boys who play guitars
They’d tell me that my music made their cooters get so wet
And if I would take em’ home it’d be a night I’d not forget

Some were short and some were skinny
some were fat and some were tall
I remember all their faces
but their names I can’t recall
I have heard in Austin Texas that I have a son named Lance
Don’t you know that little bastard just can’t keep it in his pants

So now I’m getting older
and it’s hard to get a date
I spend a lotta money
and I have to stay out late
Forever searching for the kind of lady that I won’t offend
When I try to bend her over and stick it into her rearend

I’ve had Chlamydia and syphilis
and the clap from gettin’ laid
So now I regularly get tested
To make sure I don’t have AIDS
‘Cause when the girls are drunk and horny no’s a word I just can’t say
I know I really should use condoms but I ran out yesterday

I can still hear my momma callin’
every time I take that chance
Son there will be hell to pay
If you don’t keep it in yer pants
Track Name: The Ominous Anthropophagous Slackeye Slim
Well! listen here my brothers
Cuz if you meet a man
His name’s “Slackeye Slim”
You better run away if you can!

They say that he was hanged ‘til dead
But crawled out of his grave
To feed upon the flesh of those
Who get into his way

They call him Slackeye Slim!

Well, Slackeye Slim got his name and his evil disposition
After being shot in the face while still in his mama’s belly
She went down with a thud in a pool a blood
And Slackeye came slidin’ right out with a bullet in one eye, and complete and utter rage in the other!

Folks say Slim was an ill tempered boy
With a nasty case of pica
And that he eventually acquired a taste for hot dogs and human flesh.

Slackeye Slim went on to harvest meat from the general populace
And was once heard to of said that the War Between the States was like an all you can eat buffet.

One night a whore was givin’ birth in a back alley when old Slackeye happened by.
He helped her birth it alright, then he wrapped it up in some newspaper and disappeared into the night.
Said it was the best meat he ever had.

Well the law finally caught up to Slackeye Slim
And he was hanged for his horrific crimes
But folks say his zombie came right back,
Good as new and hungrier than ever.

And that still, to this very day
Late in the harvest, Slackeye Slim comes down outta the hills
To jerk some longpork and visit the whores

So if you ever meet a real clean cut fella with a nasty smell about ‘em
Orderin’ a hotdog with ketchup on one side and mustard on the other.
You best tip toe right outta there Junior
And don’t you catch his eye, or you just might just find yourself sittin’ on a bun.
With ketchup on one side, and mustard on the other.


He’ll eat ya boy!
Track Name: Misery Jackal
It always makes me laugh, when I see people fall down
And when they start to cry, I love to hear the sound
And I always crack a smile, watching the evening news
‘bout all the murders and rapes and mistrials
And when home teams lose

‘cause I’m a misery jackal, and on yer pain I feed
Well, I’m a misery jackal

Yeah I always have to laugh, when I hear someone’s died
And how he couldn’t kick the habit, no matter how he tried
And it always makes me smile, seeing other people frown
And all the genocide, hunger, and squalor
And when children drown


I love it when stars die in wrecks in their cars
And their gold digging wives auction off their guitars
She once was a dancer, a sweet runway prancer
But now they must lance her because she has cancer
I’m a misery jackal

I love to watch a train wreck, people crash and burn
It’s the same old sad story, but people never learn
And witnessing domestic violence, makes me feel so good
And those gun fightin’ drug dealin’, pimp slappin’
Boys in the hood


We all must take the brimstone with the treacle
It tastes just the same to a misery jackal